Monday, 28 November 2011

Let me take you back ...

What maketh a man a man?  Mountainous pecs, thunderous biceps, wealth and women?  No, I tell thee, nay do these things maketh a man.  Spunk, grit, awesomeness.  These are the makings of a real man.  I have all these qualities, in very small quantities (ha, tities).  Before I cycled Land's End to John O't Groats I had none of these attributes.  When I set off from Land's End on that slightly-chilled, slept-on-the-front-seat-of-an-Astra morning, I was but a shadow of the man I am now.

What followed was the bestest, worstest, hardest, awesomest, most eye-opening experience of my young life.  Let me give you a very quick run down of the events of those nine days:
Day 1 - Hills and miles
Day 2 - Hills and miles  
Day 3 - Miles and miles  
Day 4 - Miles and miles and miles
Day 5 - Miles, hills, Scotland and miles
Day 6 - Hills, hills, hills and miles and hills
Day 7 - Miles and miles and hills
Day 8 - Pain
Day 9 - Hills and miles and smiles

Woah, woah, woah, I hear you cry, that's a lot of miles.  You're right: about 920 to be almost exact.  How does a budding man prepare himself for such an olympic-sized task?  The answer is cycling, as much cycling as you can muster, or in my case about half as much as I should muster.  Not to worry, I had a secret weapon, blind optimism.  As it turns out that's all you need.  A man can cycle himself fit, but if you're lacking in mental strength you'll never make it.

You experience many emotions on a journey such as this.  I experienced mostly anger, anger because it was too hot, too cold, too windy!  Wind is the cyclist's worst enemy, wind of the sky and wind of the bottom.  Sometimes a man needs a poo, the worst place to need a poo is on a bike, but we'll talk about that later.

You would have thought it enough to cycle the length of the UK; but no, I'm not satisfied.  My soul is hungry and it must be fed.

So what's next?  More of the same?  Nay, for we must strive to push ourselves further and further, both physically and mentally.  I hear tell of a mystical journey from sea to murky sea and back again.  A mere mortal would look on this and say 'Pah, three days says I, be the time betwixt whence to complete such a challenge'.  But we are no mere mortals Lady Wordsmith and I, we are Titans.  Thusly, we WILL complete this challenge in no more than 48 hours.

As you might have gathered from this introductory post, I'm no writer (my big sister checks my grammar and spelling for me).  But I have tales to tell and advice to give, and tell and give I will.

As a great man once said:

'Live strong, die hard'.

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